The Fat Guy

It wa the best of times, it was the worst of times

Work has been rough lately.  After a grueling week, and a grueling weekend, I spend Monday night at the office until 2am, had a beer or two, and made it home by 4:50am Tuesday morning.  By 11am, I was back at my desk. 

When I am working, I am not with my family.  Now that's a true enough statement, and my family has other things in their lives than me.  My wife has  a job, my son has his preschool, but when the time comes daily to converge over dinner, some TV and perhaps a few stories, I miss spending time with them when I cannot.  This can't be helped, and it is the sacrifice I have to make, but it is easy to forget that they are making a sacrifice too.  When I am not there, they are there without me and notice my abscence. 

Tuesday, I came home at the normal time and picked up Chibby from daycare.  He'd been in another class and at around 6pm they consolidate the remaining kids with the remaining teachers.  this new class had two children in it that were eating cupcakes that hab been handed out prior to Chib's arrival.  When I arrived, he had been there long enough to notice, but not long enough to have a fit about it.  He was just waiting for someone to offer him one, and no such offer was coming, so my presence was overshadowed.  At first I didn't kno what was eating him.  Then it finally came out that it was more what he was not eating.  Not that he likes cupcakes much, but he likes being offered a treat.  I took him out to the car, and by then he'd broken down into crying that he wanted a cupcake. 

It was at this point that I decided to exercise my right as a grown-up to be a populist.  It had been several days since I'd spent any time with him and he needed comforting.  He'd sat around watching the other two kids in the classroom enjoy a nice snack and he felt left out.  Maybe it was my imagination, I felt I'd left him out a bit myself lately.  I announced that we were going to the cupcake store to get him as many as he wanted.  The tears stopped, but were replaced with shock, not happiness.  "Really?"  I assured him we were going there immediately.

We got to Stop&Shop, a place that has seriously cleaned up their act in the face of COSTCO competition.  I took the Chib out of his car seat and decided to carry him to the store.  I know he likes being carried, and he's getting pretty heavy, but it had been a while.  Rather than just enjoy the ride, he took the opportunity to give me a very tender face-to-face hug, something he is not prone to doing much if at all.  It was then that I realized that by carrying him, I wasn't doing him a favor, I was doing me a favor.

I decided to make this a dinner to remember.  I know his mom had been feeding him all kinds of Japanese things all week and weekend, so, I thought, we both earned it.  Dinner was a hotdog with mustard and kechup, a side of corn, and some doritos and what he calls "shiro bubble omizu" (white bubble water, AKA Sprite).  After dinner, I gave him a bath and let him play for quite some time.  We went to bed way after his bed time in my bed.  His mom was on one side and I was on the other in a king sized bed.  My face was a child's arm away from him and as I watched him in the dim light, I smiled without even knowing it.  He turned slowly, half asleep and smiled back, and then reached his little hand out, touched my face and fell asleep right before my eyes.

I've been feeding my body lately with things it does not need, but tonight my son fed my soul with something I forgot I'd been missing for quite some time.  I gained four pounds this past week, and today I found new inspiration to go back to losing it.

Good Friday and Fish

Friday I did well during the day, and I took the missus to a nice seafood joint where I made a decision to let loose.  Bad call.  The place had a 50 minute waiting list, so we went to the mall where we found a Lindt shop.  The wife is all about the chocolate, but truth be told, I could be talked into a piece here and there.  I talked myself into two truffles, one peanut butter, the other mint, both about the size of a ping-pong ball.  Back at the restaraunt, I had a chicken spring roll with duck sauce for an appetizer, then the talapia encrusted in parmesian cheese, and a brownie sudae for desert.  And then, like an alcoholic on a bender, I lost track.  Saturday was a blur.  I think I had multiple salads with creamy caezar dressing and parmisian cheese, buttered toast, candy, raisin bran, more chocolate, hard boiled eggs... it was a mess.  The evening found me in the city eating beef negimaki and gyoza (restaraunt gyoza sucks, by the way).

Sunday, I tried to pick up the pieces.  Toast breakfast, salad lunch, banana smoothie, many pineapple slices, many grapes, more cereal.  Monday I worked from home but locked the door to the office so I wouldn't be bothered.  Cereal in the morning, no lunch, Sukiyaki for dinner.  Sukiyaki is a dish containing carrots, onions, tofu, thin sliced beef and cabbage all boiling in a solution of half saki, half soy sauce.Good, but what I like is the leftovers.  The night after having Sukiyaki, we have Sukiyakidon which is a far better meal.  With sukiyakidon, you take all of the above, plus a fried egg, and dump it over a bowl of rice.  Aw, yeah.  That's the good stuff.

I'll post the weekend menu to the best of my knowlege later.  For now, let it be known that my Sunday night weigh-in was (bugle intro, please) 264.

Too much of a good thing

For Wednesday and Thursday, I thought I had myself set up.  First of all, I left my office late Tuesday after posting and gave in to Zaros offer of a Bagel Hot Dog for $3.  My feelings are A) too much bread  B) hot dog was kind of tired (they don't last long in a display window).  If you're gonna all off the wagon at Penn Station, might I suggest Aunt Anne's Hot dog Pretzel, which is really a hot dog wrapped in a thinner layer of heavily buttered bread.  This is the way to go.'

After the hot dog, I got wondering, so when I got home, I checked the caloric value of the standard hot dog.  150 big ones.  Wow.  I used to have three or four as a supplement to chili.  And the chili?  210 a serving, 2 servings per can, and 150 of that is from fat. Double Wow.  Worst thing is bread.  My old friend, multi grain bread.  Serving size, one slice.  Calories?  150!! Granted, only 15 from fat, but damn!  I can't even eat toast with abandon?

Wednesday morning, I had a biali with butter, two hard boiled eggs and some OJ.  At the time, it seemed a good alternative to what I wanted, which was a sausage - egg - cheese on a roll, but it really wasn't.  First off, the biali (to those not in the know, a biali is a bagel that someone forgot to push the hole all the way through, and they covered up their laziness with a bunch of onions in the center) is not all that light, considering it is made of dense bread.  Then consider it was buttered, and furthermore that it was so unsatisfying that I ate the two eggs that I was saving for a snack later.  The OJ was also kind of unnecessary, so in the end, I traded a bad breakfast for a bad breakfast that didn't taste all that good. 

For lunch, I made an effort.  Over at Duane Reade, I picked up some instant Lipton soup (love the tomato with croutons), come Quaker cheddar cheese baked rice crackers and a box of Doritos Mini bites that come in 100 calorie bags.  The rice crackers are 70 cals a serving, and 6 servings in a bag, so I had about 420 calories worth.  Two tomato soups brought the count up to 600 cals and a bag of the Doritos upped it to 700.  I don't know for sure if that is a good number or a bad number, but I have a feeling that if I was gonna do 700, I could have eaten something more enjoyable, like a big mac.  Hey, it's a work in progress.  Dinner was a few more bags of the doritos and another two soups

Thursday, I was determined not to break down, so no breakfast.  Lunch was two soups and a bag of Doritos.  Later in the day, I needed to get some information about a number of projects from my boss, and the only time he had to spare was over lunch, which I'd already eaten.  We hit the local diner and he immediately ordered Mozzarella sticks, which I ate about four of with the BLT on rye that I ordered for myself.  He laughed as I wrote this all down along with the notes I was taking from our lunch meeting.  I double dipped my first mot stick, but looking back, I don't feel guilty about it under the circumstances.

In the afternoon, I had another two soups and another bag of the doritos.  My theory on the doritos: Sucker move.  They are no help.  All they did is shrink them down and put them in bags of 100 calories.  There's nothing 'lite' about them, and I don't think I'll be buying them anymore.

Dinner was a bowl of chicken soup and two pieces of buttered toast, which I realize tacked on about 450 calories onto the bowl of soup, but after the mot sticks, I figured it was the least of my problems.

Something tells me that Sunday night weigh-in is going to be uneventful.

Wednesday

• 3 cups of coffee with powdered creamer and splenda
• 1 Biali w/butter
• 2 hard boiled eggs
• 1 pint OJ
• 4 Lipton Cup-a-Soup (tomato)
• 3 100 cal bags of doritos
• 1 bag of Quaker Baked Rice Cakes
• 1 Nissan Cup O Noodle soup (almost forgot about that)

Thursday

• 4 Lipton Cup-a-Soup
• 1 bag 100 cal doritos
• 1 BLT on toasted rye with mayo
• 1 serving of cole slaw
• 1 pickle
• 4 mozzerela sticks
• 1 bowl of chicken soup
• 2 slices of buttered multigrain toast

Here's what I am learning.  Some foods can make you feel like you're on a diet, but are not necessarily diet foods, and if you stuff your face with them all day, you're ultimately not doing any good, never mind the fact that these types of foods are not forgiving when you ultimately fall off the wagon.

Remember me?

Been a long time, huh?  Well, let's start off by saying I'm not thin yet.  Surprise.  OK, now that that's out of the way, here's how the weekend went down.  Before I go into it, let me say that the reason I post so much apparently irrelevant information is because being on a diet, trying to lose weight, is a lifestyle change.  My current lifestyle lends itself to unhealthy eating habits and it's really my journey to lose this weight without making too many changes to my life, because frankly, most of us are not in a position to make major life changes at once.  Sure, I could lock myself in a room for months, or move in with my parents, or have my jaws wired shut, but that isn't going to serve me at my job or with my family, etc.  So, after all this writing, I hope someone else can see what I've done and either use that same pattern or know what to avoid.

So where was I?  Oh, yeah, Friday.  Thursday's lunch was good so I tried it again, but I think I'm getting cocky because after I ate, I got the old 2pm lunch coma.  Being an experienced fat guy, I know this is caused by my pre-diabetic condition.  My blood sugar goes through the roof, then comes crashing down and takes my consciousness with it.  AKA, I ate too much.  Ya live, ya learn.  I learned to ease off on the food even if it's mostly protein. 

Friday I'm supposed to head up to the Berkshires to spend a weekend in the country with Jano and family.  Of course the missus gets out of work late, and we're finally on the road about an hour before I said we'd be there (we're three hours away), but not before knocking out the rest of the curry, which, by the way, is like a thick stew.  I skipped the rice to avoid the carbs (as if there weren't any in there already).  When we got up there, Jano was waiting patiently with a rock glass of tequila so expensive it comes with a mortgage broker.  OK, maybe it was two tequilas.  I wish I could remember the name of it.  I'm a Patron guy myself, but this stuff was great.

The next morning, I was on my best behavior because I knew Jano was looking to get a laugh out of this whole thing.  The kids had waffles, I had half a bagel.  Well, that was the plan anyway.  My kid was hounding me for a bite of my bagel, and then another bite, and another, thereby justifying my bite of his waffle, and another, and another.

Jules made sandwiches for me and Jano and the kids to take skiing.  Turkey, some sort of hard cheese, light mayo and that mustard you're supposed to borrow from people in limos at a red light.  Jano also flipped me a candy bar at one point.  What the hell?   He said it was in case little Chib got hungry after skiing, but I'm sure he was having a laugh at my expense.  I thought about not eating it the whole afternoon. Even now, three days later, I can't bring myself to throw it out.  Maybe I'll give it to Chib after all.  I ate the crusts of Chib's sandwich because I don't like to waste food, but that was the extend of my lunch.

Dinner was good.  Lots of salad, chicken breasts and brussell sprouts.  Desert was good.  A few more tequilas.  The rest of the eventing degraded into rancid yet comical flatulence as the brussell sprouts had their way with Jano, Dan The Man and me.

Sunday it was another one of those sandwiches but this time on a bagel.  On the drive home I was hit with a hunger that few people understand.  It isn't painful, but when I get this coming on, I feel like there is nothing I can do to sedate it.  It's as if anything and everything edible is fair game.  In my past life, the way I'd put this fire out was to either keep going back and forth to the fridge for several hours or just head to Taco Bell and drop about $25, then eat until I blacked out.  This time I knew I had a few hours drive ahead of me, and besides, there were witnesses in the car.  And yet the only option was a drive thru McD's on the interstate.  I opted for a fish sandwich and a crispy chicken BLT, with no fries.  The wife got a Big Mac and the Chib got a happy meal, which all came in colorful, unmistakably branded bags.  This has always been a mystery to me.  If Burger King and McD want to make more sales, they should be delivered like porn and come in a brown paper wrap.  Nothing worse than getting busted with a bag in your car after the fact.  I mooched a few fries of the missus when she wasn't looking and then a few more when she was.

Monday was pretty standard.  Coffee in the morning, and that stupid, big lunch.  I'd forgotten the result of Friday, and history repeated itself.  Dinner was a can of Progresso chicken meatball soup, and a bowl of Honey NUT Cheerios to supplement it.  No good.  I need to buy more Raisin Bran.  The Cheerios seem to be too sweet.

This morning I broke down and hit McD's.  I got myself a sausage, egg & cheese bagel.  feeling guilty, I opted out of the OJ and home fries, so it only cost me $2.45 and my pride.  For lunch, I had something new.  A tiny can of Bumblebee pre-made tuna salad and five crackers that all came in a little package for $2.11.  I threw in two Lipton Instant Tomato Soups (90 cals each and pure heaven).  Working late at the office, I just had another tomato soup and followed it up with my last can of Cattle Drive Beef Stew. 

OK, if you're still awake, I've got two more things I want to cover.  First of all, FLAVORED SPLENDA!!  Yes, Splenda, the best thing to happen to fat people since stomach stapling, has flavors now for your coffee.  I'm trying French Vanilla now, and it rocks.  The second is news so good, I'm almost reluctant to post it.  I weighed in Sunday night when I got home.  270.  That's 9 lbs down, and 8.5 lbs from my weigh-in at THE Hotel-->Download video3gpp2_02.3gp .

Friday

• coffee, milk, splenda
• chicken breast, garlic
• chicken breast, spicy
• roast pork
• scoop of tuna fish
• scoop of egg salad
• hard boiled egg
• curry, parent sized helping, no accompanying rice.
• 2 rock glasses of tequila (Jano, you tell me the brand and I'll update
  this)

Saturday

• 2 coffees, milk, equal (no splenda available)
• half a bagel with butter
• turkey & cheese sandwich (light mayo, Dijon must.)
• crusts of chibby's sand (identical contents)
• 2 fiber based cookies
• salad, oil vinegar dressing
• three chicken breasts of varying flavor
• 8 brussell sprouts
• 2 rock glasses of tequila
• 1 fiber cookie
• 1 medium bag of baked lays cheddar cheese chips

Sunday

• 2 coffees, milk, equal (no splenda available)
• 1 1/2 waffles with syrup (not excessive)
• 1 bagel with turkey and cheese (light mayo, Dijon must)
• 1 tootsie roll
• 2 pink lemonade juice boxes
• 1 fillet of fish sandwich
• 1 crispy ranch chicken BLT
• 10 to 20 fries from wife's meal
• 1 Capri sun juice bag

Monday

• Coffee, milk, splenda
• 1 chicken wing
• 2 chicken breasts of varying flavor
• lump of tuna salad
• lump of egg salad
• 1 slice of roast pork
• 1 can of Progresso Chicken Meatball Soup
• 1 bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios

Tuesday

• 3 coffees, fake creamer and French Vanilla Splenda
• Sausage Egg & Cheese Bagel from McD
• 3 8oz. Lipton Instant Tomato Soup
• 1 can of Cattle Drive Beef Stew
• the night ain't over yet.

PS.  I don't remember if the waffle mess was Saturday or Sunday.  Whatever.  It still happened the way I said it did.

PSS.  LOL, I googled Cattle Drive Beef Stew to get a picture of the can and the only hit I got was this blog.

Reversal of fortune

Now that my meals are few and unspectacular, it is getting harder to remember them.  Wednesday morning I got to the train station and what did my eyes behold?  Roach coach fat guy!  Through eaves-dropping, I got the idea that he's an employee, not a guy with a small business.  He was out sick, so some other dude was just filling in.  He was there, fat, smoking, much older than me, giving me hope that no matter which way this whole weight thing goes, I still have a shot at 60.

Hot off a stellar meeting with the client, I'm pumped up and ready to hit the ground starving.  Oatmeal in the morning, a can of soup for lunch, and another for dinner since I worked late.  Then I met Jano for drinks at a very cool place called the Stone Rose.  Things went down hill fron there.  I had two gin and tonics, and made the bowl of peanuts on the table my bitch.  Or maybe it was the other way around.  At the end of my second bowl, Jano made a comment about it and I came to my senses.  I wasn't even aware I was doing it.

Back to the office for some work, and then out to an inpromptu office party at Calico Jacks Cantina where I had two more gin and tonics, two Blue Moons (beer), a lot of table chips with sulsa and a sixth of a quesadia.  As the night ended, I wrangled promises out of everyone to be at work on time to deal with a meeting we had.  My angry boss rhetorically offered to drive me home, and I made him sorely regret the offer by accepting.  I spent the ride bragging about how my wife doesn't give me greif about a late night involving booze, and when I got home, she had a rolling pin in her hand, tapping her foot and looking at her watch.  It turns out someone found my wallet, and she has called me "menymenymeny times!" and I didn't pick up.  It seems I left my phone at the office to charge when I went to the office party, expecting to return after, but instead took the offer to get a ride home.

This morning, I got to the train a little late, but with enough time to catch the second one without really being late.  I was in a good mood, so I broke with the long standing three day old tradition not to buy an apple turnover with my coffee.  I hopped the train, found my favorite spot, settled in and prepared to listen to NPR over my internet radio.  Then it hit me.  I don't have a ticket.  Oh, yeah.  I jumped up, ran off the train and over to the ticket machine only to see my train leave the station sans me.  Oh, well.  I went to call ahead, only to realize that I'd left my phone on my desk to charge last night, and was never going to listen to NPR in the first place.

When I arrived at the office, I found fellow blogger waiting there with another office mate waiting outside the locked door, apparently for a half hour.  I had made no friends this morning.  In preparation for the meeting, the office printer ran out of black ink, forcing me to reprint in dark blue and costing me valuable time.  Angry boss calls to tell me that I haven't sent out an agenda and the client, who actually scheduled the meeting, would have no idea what we were going to meet about.  I email the agenda, forgetting to turn it back to black font.  Then I hop in a cab with fellow blogger and as we drive down the block, she suggests that we should have brought the projector.  I call ahead and ask for one to be put in the room and as I do it, I watch in horror as the cabbie makes a wrong turn, and now we're gridlocked.  By the time we get to the client, we're ten minutes late to a room full of surprise guests.  The IT guy is wrestling with a portable retractable screen in a way that made me think of alligator wrestling.  Ultimately, the meeting was a "disaster."  So much for Tuesday's glowing.  Needless to say, my apetite left something to be desired.  I ate a can of soup around 3:30pm and headed over to the gym with my co-workers for some martial arts training from our resident Jeet Kune Do instructor who dabbles in mobile application development.

Workout over, back to the office.  Dinner was provided by those great chefs at the corner deli food bar.  I had some marinated chicken breast, some ginger flavored chicken breast, some tuna fish, some roast pork, some hard boiled eggs, and a single fried chicken wing.  Later the same night, I had some more oatmeal at my desk and finally on the way home (the 11:42pm train) I ran into the sandwich shop at pen station where the food is fresh and costs as much as a small island nation.  Nothing there looked good enough to eat at those prices, so Hudson news hooked me up with a bag of cheetos for less than a buck, which I purchased as a necessary evil to keep me awake so I don't end up in Philly. Now I'm home and am trying desperately not to go surf the fridge.

And I got my wallet back.  Thanks, Tom, whoever you are.

Wednesday

• 1 coffee, milk, splenda
• 2 packs of instant oatmeal
• 1 hard boiled egg
• 1 can Marie Callender Chicken Dumpling Soup
• 1 can Cattle Drive beef stew
• 2 bowls of peanuts
• 4 gin & tonics
• 2 Blue Moon beers

Thursday

• coffee, milk, splenda
• 1 apple turnover
• 1 can of Cattle Drive beef stew
• 1 piece of spicy chiken fillet
• 1 piece of ginger chiken fillet
• 1 scoop of tuna fish
• 1 slice of roast pork
• 2 hard boiled eggs
• 1 fried chicken wing
• 1 slice of pineapple
• 2 packs of oatmeal
• 1 bag of cheetos (small)

Full plate, empty stomach

At wit's end today.  I've got two black fonted posts that I cant seem to fix, and this is the third time I've written this post (clicked away by accident; came back and it was cleared!).  I've been very busy and it has been affecting my level of carelessness in a bad way and my appetite in a good way.  I'm knocking out two posts today and with luck and work, I'll get back on the posting track.

Monday I had the wife drop me off at the train station (not my normal station but one closer to the city) because I left my car in the city Sunday night to avoid having to watch what I drink.  Junken Donuts has an outpost at the station but I was able to make it past with only a coffee.  Lunch was a stretch of time between 11am and 2pm that involved oatmeal, hardboiled eggs and more coffee.  I left early to avoid the traffic so I would be on time to pick up the Chib, and we had equally small portions of Japanese cream stew.  What's that you say?  Beats me, but it tastes pretty good so I didn't complain.  This meal had the same affect as eating four Cheez Itz, so I was forced to supplement my dinner with raisin bran and a banana.

Tuesday was a mixed review.  Coffee from the new roach coach guy, and nothing for a while.  The build up to a client meeting to go over a new product with a big wig had me at a loss of appetite.  Upon returning with glowing reviews, I discovered that I'd lost my wallet.  My license, Amex card, metro card (with about $30 on it), my ATM card, and maybe $60 in cash.  I drowned my sorrows in a can of Marie Callender's Chicken Pot Pie soup, which, since someone asked, is soup that has the consistency of  the stuff you find in a chicken pot pie.  Like you cut one open and dumped out the contents.  I dunked a plain buttered bagel in it too.  After borrowing twenty bucks off a co-worker, I went home to a child sized portion of Japanese curry.  Chibby finished his about 30 minutes after I finished mine, and about 31 minutes after we'd started eating.  I moved on to a bowl of raisin bran with sliced banana.

Monday

• 3 cups coffee, milk, sugar in one, spleda in two
• 4 packs of oatmeal, 1 of which was unsweetened (good god, that's awful, even cut with the others)
• 2 hard boiled eggs (nice.  these babies are too good to be true)
• child sized portion of Cream Stew
• 2 bowls of raisin bran
• 1 banana
• 3 glasses of lemonade

Tuesday

• 2 cups coffee, milk, splenda
• 1 can Marie Callender Chicken Pot Pie Soup
• 1 plain bagel with butter
• 1 child sized portion of curry & rice
• 1 bowl of raisin bran
• 1/2 banana

The banana and eggs are a suggestion made by Jano, who seems to be rooting for both of us in this wager.  The portion sizes and elimination of some items are from everyone including my own conclusions after reviewing my own blogs.  Two days of real semi-dieting so far, and no weight change.  I know, I know, it looks grim, and I should probably not bother, but I think I'm going to give this whole weight-loss thing at least another week.

Bears, Bowls & Brothers

I made it to the beach, an hour and a half away, with seconds to spare.  I found a parking space three blocks away and ran the distance in my Sumo workout suit (no kidding, it's made for sumo wrestlers) and was barely able to strip down to my shorts in the 20degF (10 with wind chill) before the MC gave the signal for the truly mad dash to the water. 

It's a horribly fun experience.  It was already cold.  Now, as I run into the water, my feet go from pain to almost numb in two or three steps.  As I quickly wade out, I realize that those feet are getting the worst of it.  They will be in the longest.  I also think that this is why they call it long beach.  The walk to go from ankle deep to waist deep has plateaued shortly after knee, and I'm starting to lose my nerve.  My first time, I did, and never actually made it under the water.  The second time, I lost it again, but was too stiff to turn around and come back.  One of my brothers in law saw me and offered to help me only if I went under, which I did out of desperation.  This time, determination won, and I actually stood there and waited for a wave to duck under, thereby fulfilling my obligation to myself.

And then it was done.  I thought to my self, standing up from the wave, in the confidence that I won't do it again for at least another year, that it wasn't that bad.  I turned and started to run back, but found I was all out of run.  My lower limbs were now little more than wooden pegs, so I began to goose step.  Before long, I had a brother on each side of me, arms locked over each other's necks, heaving and laughing and goose stepping to back to the beach, which I again recognized was an unnecessarily long plateau away. 

The shore line was like a brick wall of voyeurs bundled up to the eyes in wool, making it difficult to get to our clothing.  A guy from the media stuck an mike and a camera in my face and asked me if it was cold.  I told him it was colder than a grave digger's ass.  We ran back through wet sand and 20 degree air to where we thought our stuff was, and... nothing.  it was too crowded and everyone looked the same, almost naked or almost eskimo.  Krupky was out in front, Bean Counter behind me, we snaked around in and out of the crowd with the same panic a three year old feels when losing his mother in a department store.  At one point, I wondered how inappropriate it would be to just approach a random group and beg them for some towels or a shirt.  The three of us broke up, maybe because we thought we had better chances with three searches instead of one, maybe because our priorities were changing to something more like self-preservation.  I'd like to think it was the former.  My toes, my whole feet for that matter, were in searing pain.  And then, when I was about to start looking for a paramedic, there she was.  Jen², my clothing, and my frozen brethren.  After a picture (above) and some friendly discussion on where the @$%*&# she had gone, it was discovered that she never moved.  In fact, our five-foot-nothing beacon in the sand had distinguished herself from all the other thousands of people around her by wearing a blue headband.  I think I suggested blue shoelaces next time.  And a flare gun.

And I'm starving.  We head to Bean Counter's house to help him move some furniture, but hit BK on the way.  Whoppers, 2 for 3 bucks.  Guess what we all got.

For the Bowl, we headed to Cercle Rouge where we met up with yet another brother in law, a nephew, and a few friends including a fellow blogger, and a trained killer.  If you've ever had a Cercle Rouge chicken wing, you'd know, there was no turning back.  I made it home by 2am and was in bed within a half hour.

I'll get today's and yesterday's menus out tonight.  For Sunday, here it is:

• Medium coffee, milk, splenda
• Maple Cheddar sausage, egg, cheese sandwich
• 2 whoppers
• 1 diet coke (LOL)
• 3 tiny cheese burgers
• 3 tiny steak sandwiches
• 8 chicken wings
• 6 pieces of fried fish (also tiny- c'mon, it was a French restaurant)
• 1 serving of French fries
• ?? beers (maybe five, but not much more)
• 2 shots of Patron Silver Tequila
• 2 shots of unknown origin, one blue, one red, both tequila based... I think
• 2 gin and tonics

PS. To my mother, that pumpkin picture in the Happy Halloween post was not me.  A) my ass is not that big and B) I don't know anyone that would be willing to paint it.

The lost weekend

Bummer.  Bummer that it's only Saturday night and already I consider this weekend 'lost.'  Bummer that it's saturday night and I have time to do a blog entry.  Bummer that I've already found a reason to use "The Lost Weekend" which I thought I would save for a better occasion.

Was the weekend lost when I got to the car dealer to get a key made for my wife and ended up in the waiting room for an hour with nothing to keep me company but a vending machine and an empty stomach?  Was it lost when we were so late getting to my son's friend's birthday party as the bowling alley that we had not had time to eat, only to arrive to a large pan of baked ziti and another of chicken nuggets and a third with birthday cake?  Was it over when we got home and I'd already thrown in the towel and had a bowl of ramen?  Or maybe it was over last week when I agreed to go to long island to hang out with some of my brothers in law to drink beer, move furniture, eat bar food and jump in the atlantic ocean, not necessarily in that order.

Yes, jump in the atlantic ocean.  As much as I'd like that to be a "whaaat??" moment, if you're reading this you already know I'm going to join the Polar Bear club for the third time in what has become the most unpleasant tradition I have ever volountarily been involved in since boot camp morning runs.  So tomorrow morning I will go to long beach, strip down to my shorts, and run into the water until I have completely submerged myself, and then, if my heart is still beating, I will run out of the water where one of my sisters will comment on my bravery and stomach size.  She will then take pictures of the three of us there on the beach, that I will find both unflattering and somehow worthy of great pride.  Of course I'll post the picture.

Todays disappointment:

• two small vending machine size bags of Salsa & Spring Garden Sun Chips
• 1 bag (same size) of baked Cheetos
• 2 portions of baked ziti with meat sauce
• 10 chicken nuggets
• 1 large instant ramen
• 3 glasses of lemonade
• 1 piece of buttered toast

Feeling Exposed

For our anniversary, my wife said she wanted to someplace she's never been before.  I said, "how about the kitchen" (insert rim shot sound wave here).  Truth be told, the missus has cooked for me many times and well, but has lately been on a project at work that is taking up a great deal of her time.  When she found out that I was bloging my meals, she was very upset that the whole world knew she wasn't cooking for me.  I explained that 13 hits a day does not the world make.

Roach coach fat guy is gone.  The end of an era.  There used to be a sign on his truck that said "route for sale" but I didn't know it was his route.  The new guy is a mess.  He frequently doesn't have turnovers (not that I eat them anymore) and never has splenda.  So I went from a sugary breakfast with my coffee to a sugary coffee.  An easily remedied problem, but I have to remember to remedy it.

An easy hold-me-over-to-lunch is hard boiled eggs and another is oatmeal.  Lunch is rough because today I had to go out with some people.  Sure I ordered the salad, but I still dabbled in appetizers, and we were at DUI Fridays, where the meal pretty much rides the coat tails of the apps.

Dinner is no picnic either.  What do I eat?  The remnants of a pizza dinner from days gone by?  Apparently yes, but I am sure I was supposed to eat something healthy.  My problem is that I like food that is quick and requires little more than a microwave or eight ounces of boiling water.  Anyone know what healthy foods fit that category?

Today's list:

• coffee, milk, sugar
• two packs oatmeal
• two hard boiled eggs
• four chicken wings
• one pot sticker
• one nacho (about five square inches, with meat, refried beans and melted cheese)
• chicken caesar salad
• 2 diet cokes
• 2 teas with splenda
• 1 3"x6" piece of flat crust pizza
• 1/3 of a order of cheesey bread
• 2 eclairs (they're almost done and I won't buy more)
• 1 Capri Sun 100% juice pouch

So far, my plan is cutting down on the portions, no more apple turnovers and salads for lunch.  Let's see where that gets me in a week or so.

Choked

I had to pretty good start today, ignored the siren call of the roach coach turnover, walked past that one deli that has sausage, egg and cheese wraps, held my nose walking past the bread factory.  Ironically, at work I suddenly find my self with much more on my plate these days, so that helped me forget about being hungry.  In fact, I didn't even eat anything until about 3pm and then it was a salad.  So with my right hand, I gave myself a pat on the back for such a healthy lunch.  With my left, I stirred up a couple of packets of instant oatmeal.  Let's face it.  Throwing a salad at this hunger is like trying to melt the Aletsch glacier with a mini bic lighter.

Still, not bad, right?  Well, day turned into night and my coworkers began to look like cartoon T bone steaks, so at 7pm I had to make a run.  With limited options, I found my self in, alas, the bread factory. 

" As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes and ask him do you want to make a deal? "

Ok, Bread Factory, you may not have lost this round, but you didn't win either.  I left with a chicken/bacon/cheese wrap.

Oh, but the night was still young.  I made it home by 11:30 and with little remorse or even forethought, I destroyed the remaining chicken kickers from last night and chased them with two mini eclairs.  What was I going to do, let them go bad?

Admitedly, the salad wasn't half bad, but on 7th avenue, a week of salads would cost my son's college tuition.  I'm on the market for a better idea.

Though you've read it all by now...

• Coffee, milk, sugar
• 2 cups of tea, splenda
• large salad w/ bleu cheese dressing and the following topings: corn, avocadoes, tomatoes, broccolli
• 1 wrap w/ chicken, avocado, bacon, cheese
• 5 chicken kickers
• 2 mini eclairs

Hey, wha'd ya expect this early on?